Here's where we're at.
I don't really have any news to share but maybe I'll just say some things we know and some things we don't know.
+ I had the surgery. You probably knew that already. That went really well minus a lymph node that is cancerous.
+ This means they will now add chemo + radiation for sure.
+ But the good parts about the surgery first - the suturing and incisions and everything look perfect. No infections, everything is healing great. Every day I feel less stiff and more comfortable with having a weird balloon thing shoved inside my muscles. It's weird that I feel like I'm wearing a bra even when I'm not.
+ The least enjoyable parts that are still happening - harder time breathing, terrible nighttime sleeping, and just feeling tired and sore in general especially when chasing around little girls.
+ But I am so grateful that as soon as I got from the hospital (Saturday) I was able to sit with them and talk to them and play with them. They are learning that I can't pick them up (not for 3 more weeks) but other than that, and extra naps, I'm somewhat the same.
+ So the bad part. Honestly, I think they would have had me do chemo anyways so I shouldn't have been surprised. (The tumor was on the medium size) This is the part we don't know much about yet. We know they generally wait 4 weeks. We know they want to do it, that's all we know. We also don't have the genetic testing back yet.
+But it pretty much goes chemo then wait. then radiation. then wait. then implants.
+ BTW - I still have 3 surgical drains and they're not the worst but I'd rather not. Makes you feel like you're still in the surgery process.
+ I feel like we just started a different track. We've been on this weird medical school, residency conveyor belt and now, we're on a cancer conveyor belt. And I kind of want to step off (like Dave has wanted to step off of his many times) but I know I can't. Nobody will let me and I shouldn't want to. It's a weird feeling knowing you're doing something for yourself but also for a lot of other people that care whether or not you are still here.
+ I've been overwhelmed by the amount of people that care. And I'm grateful for the times I've been able to show up people that I care. :)
+ I had the surgery. You probably knew that already. That went really well minus a lymph node that is cancerous.
+ This means they will now add chemo + radiation for sure.
+ But the good parts about the surgery first - the suturing and incisions and everything look perfect. No infections, everything is healing great. Every day I feel less stiff and more comfortable with having a weird balloon thing shoved inside my muscles. It's weird that I feel like I'm wearing a bra even when I'm not.
+ The least enjoyable parts that are still happening - harder time breathing, terrible nighttime sleeping, and just feeling tired and sore in general especially when chasing around little girls.
+ But I am so grateful that as soon as I got from the hospital (Saturday) I was able to sit with them and talk to them and play with them. They are learning that I can't pick them up (not for 3 more weeks) but other than that, and extra naps, I'm somewhat the same.
+ So the bad part. Honestly, I think they would have had me do chemo anyways so I shouldn't have been surprised. (The tumor was on the medium size) This is the part we don't know much about yet. We know they generally wait 4 weeks. We know they want to do it, that's all we know. We also don't have the genetic testing back yet.
+But it pretty much goes chemo then wait. then radiation. then wait. then implants.
+ BTW - I still have 3 surgical drains and they're not the worst but I'd rather not. Makes you feel like you're still in the surgery process.
+ I feel like we just started a different track. We've been on this weird medical school, residency conveyor belt and now, we're on a cancer conveyor belt. And I kind of want to step off (like Dave has wanted to step off of his many times) but I know I can't. Nobody will let me and I shouldn't want to. It's a weird feeling knowing you're doing something for yourself but also for a lot of other people that care whether or not you are still here.
+ I've been overwhelmed by the amount of people that care. And I'm grateful for the times I've been able to show up people that I care. :)
Hey Grace, I like reading your thoughts, I also think you are a great writer with a genuinely curious outlook in life. The conveyor belt analogy seems fitting for so many paths in life, some we choose and some we can't. I'm so glad surgery went well and I'm sure everything else will work out too. Sending more love!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you during this scary time. Your faith is inspiring and I appreciate reading your perspective. Lots of prayers for you.
ReplyDelete